This is an excerpt from Spiritual Coupling: A Guidebook for Experiencing a Holy Relationship
by Cindy Lora-Renard
This is a book about relationships, which are the most important things in our lives, even
when that is not recognized. Indeed, some of us think we can get away from what A Course in
Miracles calls “special” relationships. That brilliant Course, which will be quoted in this book,
is a purely non-dualistic thought system that says only God or perfect love is our absolute
reality.
Since I gave a more thorough introduction of the basic principles of A Course in Miracles in
my other three books, I will be focusing mainly on its perspective on relationships, which take
the form of special love and special hate, but neither being the unconditional love of God. So
how do we experience this total, unconditional love of God? We can use our relationships for
a different purpose, which I’ll get into.
All relationships, no matter what the form, are opportunities for growth and learning. We need them while we appear to be in the world as a body, because they show us all of our judgments and forgiveness opportunities that need to be addressed.
Regarding the world, the Course says, “It is the witness to your state of mind, the outside picture of an inward condition.” The mind is cause, and the world is the effect, and that includes our physical and psychological selves.
In my first three books, I explain the deeper meaning of forgiveness, using examples of how to apply it in your everyday life. Since this book is about relationships, we’ll discuss how to practice it within that context. In this way, forgiveness will become more understandable to you as we go along.
It is in our relationships with others (some of whom we’ve shared countless lifetimes), that we are presented with some of the most powerful forgiveness opportunities. As we let go of judgments of ourselves and others, and learn to work in harmony with others, we can literally delete negative karma built up over lifetimes. As it is deleted, so are the lessons that go along with it. This is what the Course means when it talks about how the “miracle” or shift in perception collapses time.
Why is this important? Well, how important is having a peaceful mind to you?
Jesus, the Voice of the Course, says,
“A tranquil mind is not a little gift.”
The desire to know yourself as you are in truth is a very worthy form of desire. And “Truth is restored to you through your desire, as it was lost to you through your desire for something else.”
Another key idea to remember while you are practicing forgiveness in your relationships is to
remember that forgiveness is done at the level of the mind and has nothing to do with
behavior. In fact, forgiveness is not between bodies because it is a correction that occurs in
the mind, and it is for your benefit. The miracle or forgiveness is a shift in perception from
fear/ego-based thinking to love which is inspired by the Holy Spirit.
Forgiveness is easier when you realize that it is you that you are freeing as a prisoner of your own mind.
You may be guided to take some form of action that you feel is necessary, but that action might not feel good to your partner or to whom you are attempting to forgive, and that’s okay. The important thing is that it comes from a place of love. The place of love I am referring to is the right part of your mind where your memory of God or the Holy Spirit resides. If you let yourself be guided by the Holy Spirit, your experience will shift for the better, but the outcome of your forgiveness is not your responsibility. You can let the Holy Spirit be in charge of the outcome. You can’t always see the bigger picture or what is best as well as the blessings that may come from following your guidance. As long as you do your forgiveness work sincerely, that’s all that matters.
Since this book is about developing a holy relationship, most of my examples will be within
the context of romantic relationships. However, the kind of forgiveness I am talking about is
meant to be applied to any relationship or situation you want to forgive. For example, let’s
say your partner is being very abusive to himself or herself or to you, and it’s negatively
affecting parts of your relationship such as your health and well-being, or your ability to
communicate. The form of the abuse is irrelevant. You may be guided to remove yourself from
the situation, whether it’s in your home, on the street, in your car, or wherever. You don’t have
to subject yourself to abuse. You can remove yourself from the violence and practice
forgiveness at the same time, or practice forgiveness later when you remember to do it. Even if
you find yourself out of character, doing something you wouldn’t normally do, remember it’s
not about behavior. Rather, it’s the decision to be loving to yourself and take good care of
yourself, which ultimately serves the whole.
When one heals, we all heal.
The best example you can set for others is being in a state of joy, defenselessness, and
peace, no matter what is going on around you. This takes a lot of practice. You don’t have
to be perfect, but you can do your best to stay connected to Source/ God. This will raise your
vibration so that you don’t feel entangled in conflict. If your partner is doing something that
annoys you, after you practice forgiveness, practice not allowing your mind to dwell on what
you think he or she did, but remember there is another way of looking at it.
Cindy Lora-Renard is an international speaker on A Course in Miracles, and the author of A Course in Health and Well-Being (published in six languages) and the best-selling books, The Business of Forgiveness and Heaven is Now, and her newly released best-selling book, Spiritual Coupling: A Guidebook for Experiencing a Holy Relationship.
In addition, she has a Master’s Degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica, and is also a visionary singer and songwriter. Cindy and her husband, Gary Renard, also facilitate two 2-hour online classes on A Course in Miracles every month. Cindy uses her knowledge of A Course in Miracles, music, and psychology, as healing tools to help others awaken from the dream of separation to the higher octaves of life.